My Son
by PearlescentDelight
Summary: Pearl and Steven have a moment to themselves and hope to confront an elephant in the room.


_You might not believe it, but you got a lot in common._

 _You both love me and I love both of you._

The gentle sea breeze breathed a calming aura of peace and love over a small beach city in the Delmarva Peninsula as the sun set into a deep orange. Flowing from the far hills where an old family barn used to reside, to the buildings and mild hustle and bustle of the town's inhabitants, and finally stopping at the large temple of the Crystal Gems, deeply embedded into the cliffs overlooking an endless ocean. To the uninitiated or uncaring, much of this wind felt the same, but with each soft brush, it carried a feeling of an ever present tenderness: whether seen through the way it moves and uplifts the world around it or how it remains unseen as it cools the skin and relaxes the soul.

Pearl of the Crystal Gems sat silently in the living room of their home inside the temple. With garnet and Amethyst nowhere to be found for the evening and Bismuth down by the shoreline helping out their newest members Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, she was left alone waiting for something or someone to come by for her. When she was left alone to tend to her own devices, she normally tried to find a way to occupy her time and typically that came in the form of cleaning up one of Steven's messes. Although this evening perplexed her as not even Steven was around to make a mess or spend his time with his fellow gems. He had been gone all day, not telling anyone by the sound of it as earlier Connie tried to find out when she asked Pearl through a text message. Going away by himself wasn't something he did often, if at all, and that made Pearl grow worried the more she thought about it. She wanted to go find him but she hadn't the slightest clue where to start, and even then given recent events, she felt like he could take care of himself. At the very least she wanted to feel that way.

However one thing did become clear. She knew that when he got home, he would probably want to eat and her ability to cook human food always made him feel better. Not just better, ecstatic, as if there was never a problem to begin with. She stood up in a boost of morale and marched over to the kitchen and began to make him his meal.

Not long after, her eyes suddenly lit up when she heard the sound of the warp pad activation and catching the light of its beam in the corner of her vision. She looked over and her surprise quickly turned to joy and relief. Out from the warp pad, Steven let out a heavy sigh and walked down the step as it deactivated behind him. When she looked at him, she saw that he was still the sensitive young man she helped raise and teach all those years. It caused her to recall those special years, but at the same time, it caused many more years beyond that to come to mind. Years that made her uneasy and difficult to find peace with sometimes. However, she did her best to dismiss them this time and let out a big smile across her face, hoping it would catch Steven's attention.

Steven made no effort to make eye contact, let alone acknowledge Pearl as she patiently waited for one of his famous and affectionate greetings. He looked exhausted and let down as he came over to the kitchen. Pearl tried to keep the smile on her face but it eventually came down with her mood.

"Steven," Pearl called out worriedly. "Where were you? You didn't tell anyone you were leaving the temple or town, where did you go?" Steven finally caught notice of Pearl as she said that. She continued to look at him but he gulped and proceeded.

"Oh, Pearl. I was- it's nothing, say what smells so-" He took a bigger whiff of the culminated scents in the air, and raised an eyebrow. "Confusing?"

"Umm…" Pearl looked down at the stove and counter top space. There were several meals each all labelled in her handwriting: 'Comfort Food, 'Not Necessary but Still Comfort Food', and 'Steven is Fine Food'. Each meal was a mess that she had started, then progressively neglected and later forgot, having left unfinished and in some cases, not fully cooked. She hummed to herself in a sweat, then noticed herself in the reflection of the microwave, along with the rest of the kitchen and the greater mess of ingredients she made. "I was… making you dinner! Strange, it seemed like it got a little out of my control somehow... I wasn't sure how you would feel upon returning, so I prepared for the three fundamental scenarios, ranging from something you could really use to make you feel better, to just a nice dinner in with me!" She giggled nervously as she closed her palms together, hoping Steven wouldn't realize how bad she messed up.

"Thanks Pearl, but I could have made it myself tonight. Besides, I'm not really ready for dinner." Pearl calmed down and separated her hands.

"Oh," Pearl said disappointed. "Well I figured you would be hungry and would enjoy having a little something waiting for you when you came back, considering you were gone all evening. What were you doing anyway?"

"J-Just doing some exploring," Steven answered reluctantly.

"Is there anything I could assist you with? Some explaining or clarification perhaps?" Her tone again cycled from excited to curious, then to concern. He looked back at her with a distance in his eyes, something she immediately caught, then looked away.

"N-No. No thanks, I'm good."

"Oh. Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Steven-"

Before Pearl could finish, Steven turned to the stairs that led up to his bedroom and started to walk up. It didn't take too long for Pearl to step away from the kitchen and follow him, but then stopped in a moment of hesitation. She then snapped out of it and made her way up the steps after Steven who was already up on the next floor. She saw Steven sitting on the edge of his bed with his arms crossed over his knees. He sat there, still and quiet as he looked through the window at the last traces of the setting sun. Pearl tried to let out some kind of word to say to him, but choked and instead she cleared her throat to try again.

"Steven?" She took a step closer and reached out for him.

"Pearl, I told you I'm... fine."

"Oh please, I can tell by the tone of your voice and by your body language that something is upsetting you."

"Nothing is upsetting me, I'm just tired is all…"

"Steven," Pearl got close enough to sit down beside him, to which he tried to keep to himself. "After all these years, do you really think you can hide how you feel from _me_? Maybe Amethyst or your father, but certainly not me." Steven groaned and shuffled around in his position, the facade weakening. "Whatever it is, I can help you with it. It's why I'm here." Steven looked down to his toes conflicted, then tilted over and finally falling onto Pearl's lap, completely catching her off guard. "Oh," She let out. She could feel the warmth of his hair on her thigh and hear the vibrations of his rhythmic breathing. She looked down at him with a forming smile, placing her hand on his head and petting it softly.

"I… went to the strawberry fields," Steven muttered.

"Oh?"

"A-And… the old palanquin…"

"The... palanquin? Steven, why on earth…"

"I needed to feel something… _anything_."

"Oh no, Steven have you gone numb! Steven can you feel this right now!" She asked terrified, poking him in his cheek before he shook her finger off.

"No no I can still feel that! I just…" he paused. "I've been thinking a lot about mom lately." Pearl froze up by what he revealed, rather one thing in particular.

"Rose…" Pearl whispered to herself.

"I know it must have been hard to hide who she was. Now that I'm starting to get the bigger picture, it just feels like… I don't know, that I would be feeling better about all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"Like I would know what I'm doing. With White Diamond, I… I don't feel like I'm close enough."

"Oh… but we got away this time, and you're okay! I was so scared- I'm not letting you anywhere near her without me ever again!" Pearl squeezed him in a panic. He managed to break free and get her to resume the positions they had before.

"Heh, thanks but-"

"I… just wish I could have told you sooner."

"It's not all your fault Pearl. I know that it's just as much on her."

"I-I suppose."

"Sometimes, I can't let go that all of this is because of mom... Anything that could be helpful now is lost with her when she made me. Not even the Diamonds have any advice I could use for White."

"Steven, you know that she couldn't have foreseen any of these consequences. Not even Sapphire or Garnet could have."

"I know that, but it gets to me still…" Pearl sighed and opened her eyes midway, only to see the despaired boy she longed to provide for.

"I know exactly how you feel…"

"Pearl I know that you knew mom better than anyone, but you don't have to deal with this, or be worried about what I'm worried about anymore." Pearl raised an eyebrow in confusion as she lifted Steven up to meet her eyes. His defeated spirit struck a nerve with her own.

"Ex...cuse me?"

"This is something between me and mom- er, me and me."

"Steven you-"

"I still wish I could separate myself from her, I want to talk to her so bad. I need more than what you guys are giving me on any of this."

"You know that just isn't possible, even for us. But it's okay because you still have me and all of us will-"

"Why does it have to be you!" Steven sat up in frustration and let go of Pearl, startling her. He finally had enough and Pearl could see that, but what he had said to her caused her to get frustrated as well.

" _Excuse me_ but I don't think I appreciate your tone young man-"

"Why can't I talk to HER for a change! Why can't SHE not appreciate my tone! I have to know her inside and out just to protect everyone, but no one else knows her better than she does!"

"That may be, however-"

"Why am I forced to go to you or Garnet or dad or even the Diamonds just to figure something that might not even be true about her!"

"I-"

"Why does it have to be that I can't even know my own mother and still be who she wanted me to be! Why do I have to be without her when I need her most…" In that moment, Pearl couldn't think, she couldn't feel, she was only able to sit motionless as if her mind experienced a glitch. Then she acted.

"Steven that is enough! Whether you like it or not I'm-"

A dead silence filled the room when she opened her mouth. Her cheeks became a deep blue and she covered her mouth as quickly as she realized what she wanted to say, but couldn't. Steven looked at her, hanging on the edge of her actions in confusion as his eyes also began to well up.

"Wh-What," Steven whimpered. "Pearl, wh-what is it?" Pearl pushed passed him in a rush of embarrassment and leapt off the bed. She jumped down to the floor below and made her way into the inner temple sanctum. The light of her temple room activated and the door opened. "Pearl!" Steven cried out, hoping to catch up in the sudden motion of her departure, only to be blocked out by the door closing right in front of him. He slammed onto the door with all the strength he could muster, calling out for Pearl. The door would never respond when he wanted it to, even now with his prowess over his gem abilities, but this time not even his cries could get the door to open. "Pearl! Let me in, please! What did you want to say!" Steven banged on the door with both of his fists again and again, hoping that he could force his way in as tears began to form a thin veil in front of his eyes. "Let. Me. In!" He tried one last time with the door, and when he thought he made some kind of way, it too had failed. "You said you would be completely open with me from now on…" Short of breath and getting more frustrated, he kneeled down to collect himself, but to his surprise he saw his gem lighting up. He snapped back up to the door and saw that the door began to light up as well. The glow on the door began with Amethyst's purple lock, then moved to Garnet's red and blue, then to Pearl's white, and stopped on Rose's pink. Just a moment later the pink lock blinked, and shifted back to Pearl's white lock, fixed and opened slowly.

He looked through the doorway and was relieved to confirm that it was Pearl's room. The pristine water fountains poured down into the lower levels of the inner sanctum as a backdrop of the stars and constellations glistened and illuminated the surface around it. He always thought that Pearl's room was as graceful and mystical as she was. He looked up to the top of the center fountain, fairly certain that if Pearl was anywhere, it would be there. In the echo of the room, he could hear her crying, so with a running start he lifted off the ground onto one of the smaller fountains. He wanted to call out for her with each fountain he managed to clear, but instead stayed quiet until he caught up to her.

One last push and a bit of a float, he crossed the final fountain gap and landed onto the center of the room where he found Pearl. She sat on a fabricated platform with her head deep within her crossed arms over her knees, curled up thinking she was alone with her despair. He got behind her and listened carefully as he could.

"Rose… I'm so sorry… I should have been replaced…"

"Pearl," Steven shouted in anger from hearing her talk like that. Pearl didn't budge, but sniffed as she tried to stop crying. "Don't ever think like that! Why did you run from me?"

"I'm… sorry Steven. I was going to say something I never should have even thought of in the first place," Pearl said almost monotone, but Steven could hear some melancholy in her voice. "It's not fair to you or to Rose…"

"What isn't fair? What are you talking about?"

"I…" Steven hopped onto the platform she sat on and slowly stepped beside her. He placed his hand on her shoulder, getting her to look up at him with her eyes still wet and weak tear lines running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry…"

"Pearl…"

"I'm being selfish again. Unjustifiably selfish…"

"About what?"

"Steven… you know that your mother and I were…"

"Complicated? Yeah I know…"

"And that of course I-"

"Loved her? I uh… figured from what you and dad told me."

"Then you know by now that your mother was everything to me and made feel everything…" She sniffed and smiled. "But maybe she made me feel too much, more than I should have. It happened before with her and Greg, and it's happening again now…"

"What?"

"She made me imagine things no pearl should have a right too… which is what I later figured to be love...then jealousy, then heartbreak. It always left me wanting something, _desiring_ something that wasn't just to serve someone- or I suppose your mother. It was selfishness."

"Mom taught you how to think for yourself…"

"She did, but anyone could think too much of themselves. Gem or human. Opening up with her secret has made this even worse."

"But Pearl you don't-"

"Yes I do. I always have since the moment your mother decided to fight for this planet. When the rebellion raged on, I fought for the Earth but also for my own desires. When the war was over, I only wanted her to myself and hoped that she would love me back. When your father came around, there were many times I tried to get him to back off because I selfishly thought she would always choose me just as she did before. But when you were born…"

"I-I know. You didn't want anything to do with me. Annnd that you wanted mom back more than you wanted me."

"Heh, you're not the only one who wishes for the two of you to be seperate…" Pearl opened up again for Steven to sit between her legs, to which he accepted the invitation. She then quietly played with his hair as he crossed his legs and listened to her. "Steven, you have understand that sometimes it's still… hard for me to mentally separate the two of you, and that when I try, it isn't always successful."

"That's why you secretly blamed me for making mom go away?"

"W-Well yes, I-"

"And why you almost let me fall to my death?"

"I'm never going to live that one down, am I?"

"Nope." The two of them grinned to each other indirectly, acknowledging the dark humor from their previous incident.

""But… deep down, I know that you aren't and never were Rose. Please know that." Steven leaned further back and let his head rest on her waist. Pearl was never much for physical contact, but she made an exception for Steven. In fact, she welcomed it from him. Just a moment longer she continued to play with his hair as a means of keeping her hands busy. She then took her hands off of his head and stretched her arms out in front of him. She crossed them around him and he instinctively grabbed onto them in comfort. They both smiled to themselves as they sat in a comfortable silence.

"Pearl," Steven spoke out, disrupting said silence.

"Yes?"

"Wh-What did you want to tell me earlier… before you ran?" He couldn't see it, but he could feel Pearl frowning and stressing out behind him. He straightened his back to let Pearl have a small space between them.

"Oh… that… Steven I'm so sorry for that. I shouldn't have-"

"No more apologies. Just… talk to me." Pearl took a large, deep breath behind Steven, then opened her mouth.

"I suppose you're just like her in another way…"

"Hm?"

"Just by living and existing, you've taught me so much as you grew before my very eyes. I… started to get what Rose was talking about. You've given me so much perspective on life here that several thousand years couldn't."

"Huh?" Pearl let out a vocal smirk in response to his bewilderment.

"As you know by now- and that I'm willing to admit, but when you were born… yes I didn't care for you or wanted you. It's embarrassing to say or think about it now, but well… how else could I have felt? You were such an _alien_ concept for all of us."

"Pun intended?"

"Mm, pun definitely intended. But it's true, a human baby never made much sense to us, and in some ways it still doesn't. Rose somehow managed to understand something we couldn't. And yet…"

"Yeah?"

"Seeing you- as Steven Universe, always made me feel… happy. It reminded me of how Rose would see the world and how her happiness always left an imprint on me. You were so curious and so thrilled to experience the life that was given to you. When I noticed that, I could too, even if my feelings regarding Rose and Greg clouded my judgement. Of course I'm able able to explain this now as I retroactively reflect on these feelings."

"So I made you… happy?"

"Of course you did. But it's more than that. You've grown up so much and matured so greatly the past few years. For some reason I just get reminded of that starry eyed human baby that would smile whenever Garnet would reform back or when Greg managed to understand your needs more competently than we gems could. You always worry me and sometimes scare me when you're in trouble, that much hasn't changed, but now more than ever it effects me deeper than before. Even when I'm alone, I just reminisce about taking care of you when you were smaller or how I would teach you about language or gems. Granted I wasn't _always_ the best mentor for a human child."

"Yeah, I still have trouble saying 'Spaghetti' sometimes," Steven chuckled softly.

"Organic predecessors pass on their knowledge so precisely and even human guardians have it easier than a gem would. Anyway, while it wasn't always efficient, it was never the less meaningful and enjoyable to me. It made me… well, proud! We both did our best to understand each other. And I could never forget all the times you came to me when you were curious or scared instead of Garnet or your father. Trying to get a better understanding of these feelings and memories, I did some research with some of the locals here in Beach City."

"Like Vidalia?"

"Precisely. And I came to the conclusion that- well…" She choked up.

"What did you find?"

"That… comparatively… I, and of course Garnet too, but _I_ felt and acted the exact way a human mother would…" Steven stayed silent as he stayed between Pearl's legs. He shifted slightly, causing Pearl to feel a nervous tension grow inside her. "Similar feelings, but different reasons, you're everything to me now. And I feel like… having raised you all these years you resemble the best of me as well. You're not Rose… or Pink Diamond, you're _you_. And you are all I hope to be, hope to dream, hope to see. You're-"  
"L-Like a son to you?" Pearl's eyes began to water as she heard him say that. It was as if she had been overwhelmed by an immense joy that she had only felt so sparsely in her thousands of years of existence. The young man that sat between her legs sat in silence, his head only inches away from the gem that cherished him so dearly. Still positioned behind him, she hugged him tightly once again, this time making sure not to strangle him, to which he grabbed onto her arms and embraced the hug.  
"Y-Yes Steven… like a s-son to me." Pearl pulled her arms back slightly away from Steven's reach, and placed her hands on his head. She knew what she wanted to do next but hesitated as she's never done it before, unlike Greg and Rose had or Garnet had with Steven. She leaned in closer and kissed the top of his head. Steven felt the kiss and his entire body began to feel weaker. "My shining star."

"...your son," He said to himself, but just within earshot of Pearl. She opened her eyes, but remained silent. He then paused and looked down. Something had changed in his mood and tone. "My... _mom_ …" he continued, having trouble comprehending the situation. A sudden bolt of terror struck Pearl when she openly admitted what she felt, and hearing the lifeless tone in his voice only made any stoicism she had left break. She snapped backward and re-evaluated the situation in a frenzy.

"B-But! Obviously Rose is your mother! Sh-She created you and she loves you, even now! I-I-I could never replace or even try to- I just… I just imagined that since she never could be around-" Pearl immediately stopped herself by putting her hands to her mouth terrified by Steven's response. Steven turned to face her, but the moment she saw a glimpse of his eyes, her pupils shrunk. Steven looked at her, never more serious and conflicted in his life. He stared at her intently, but Pearl couldn't take it anymore. She whipped her head away and closed her eyes as tight as possible, starting to weep behind her hands and eyelids. She was mortified to look at him, to speak to him, but also to run away like she did before. "I'm-I'm-"

"Pearl-" His gentle, soothing voice spoke out and echoed in her mind. She felt him carefully move her hands away from her mouth, and didn't resist when he touched her. She mustered enough courage to open her once sealed shut eyes and tried to look at him. He looked at her as he did before with all the same intensity and concern, but then caught him look at her differently. No longer as serious, his moist eyes quickly made streams of tears down his face and his eyebrows lifted upward. He sniffed and began to whimper, then rammed his head into her chest, latching onto her with both of his arms, gluing them to her back. He sunk his face further into her chest to muffle the sounds of his crying. She immediately reacted and grabbed hold of him with no intention of letting go.

"I-...may not ever be Rose or b-be able to replace her… b-but as far as my life here on Earth is concerned, you are m-m-my son. _My_ son. And you always will be." All Pearl could hear from him was the muffled crying from her chest as she held him. "I love you Steven…"

After awhile, they finished letting out their tears and eventually left Pearl's room in the inner sanctum. They walked out to the hand of the Temple's statue. They sat similarly to how they sat together in her room, but on a smooth, flat point on one of the hand's fingers. Steven rested his eyes as the two of them looked to the moon right above the ocean horizon with the stars out bountifully. The two of them let the cold ocean air brush up against their skin. Pearl also rested her eyes as she once again played with his messy hair, letting the wind cool her off. She smirked and let out a small grin to herself.

"A Diamond with a pearl…" Pearl muttered. Steven managed to catch it, but said nothing, wanting to hear what she was going to say. "A pearl who could have nothing… A Pearl without a Diamond, but seeds of life she had sown… Now a Pearl who could have everything, has a son to call her own…" Steven began to doze off, but not before smiling one last time while Pearl did the same. They both sat there through the early evening, embracing the gentle nighttime sea breeze and it's ever present tenderness.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first ever Steven Universe fanfiction, so I hope I did not disappoint. I'm hoping to work on a much more ambitious and far-fetched series for SU after this but I wrote this piece first because I really wanted to give life to this idea and at the same time practice with how to handle these characters. Whether I succeeded or failed I'll leave that up to you. If I did, than I hope you enjoyed this piece, and if I didn't then I hope I can work with any of you to strive towards that so my next project doesn't feel unworthy. Thank you for reading what I wrote!**


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